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'I'll never be on a set again
where I'm feeling, "Shit,
what am I doing here?" '

Saif Ali Khan

My goal is not to reach or surpass any actor. I will reach that goal the day I have a hit of that stature. I have nothing against anybody's success at all. I think you really hit rock-bottom when you've got nothing else to do apart from feel jealous of other people.

In this dog-eat-dog industry it is quite a feat just to stay afloat. Are you the sort who's just content to survive out here or do you have the ambition to make it to the top?

No, I'm not content. On one hand you can be diplomatic and say whatever God gives me I'll be happy with it. But no, I want more. I want to work more, want to get much further. I believe I have the capacity to do that. My confidence doesn't come from a string of hits. I think the audience has been really kind to me actually. The appreciation I've got is much more than what I've done.

I don't want to be remembered as being capable of only that. Like everyone else even I want to be the best in whatever I do. Isn't that the reason why all of us strive day in and day out? If one would be content to be just one of the crowd, there wouldn't be any motivation to get up in the morning and go to work.

Just because your recent films have flopped, you've almost gone underground...

Saif Ali Khan and Kajol in Hamesha

No, it's not that. I'm not avoiding the media, it's just that I have nothing new to say. I mean neither am I a particularly controversial figure, nor do I have a grouse with somebody that I want to air, so basically we can discuss my philosophy to my work and life, which I've done. So instead of sounding repetitive and dull, I thought might as well not say anything for a while.

Also, if I want to share something with you, I would feel more comfortable sharing it based on success. I don't want to put myself in a position where people say he's just grumbling because his films haven't done well. I want my work to speak for me.

You're surprisingly lacking in media savvy. Do you feel meeting the press a waste of time and that the media doesn't have any hand in making a star?

I feel very vulnerable to have a relationship with the media. You can't change then. It's really stupid to befriend the media and then, one day say I don't want to talk. I'd much rather be honest with you. I do believe that the media plays a very important role but, as I said, I'd rather let my work speak for me. I don't really have a hassle with the press but I've not really gone out of my way to cultivate them.

You have this firang aura about you. With that, can you truly identify an Indian's emotions that you portray on screen?

I don't know what you mean by firang aura. I've lived here all my life. I just went to school abroad. I completely understand all the Indian emotions. And basically how different are emotions, here or abroad?

But yes, I've generally stayed away from the typical sacrifice sort of roles. Because I don't think the audience buys them either. I'm not living on Mars. I relate to these emotions. It can be unrealistic but there's no such thing as unidentifiable emotion.

Is there any creative satisfaction out here, considering the run-of-the-mill stuff that is being churned out?

There is as much satisfaction as you put into it. I've worked in some films where I've not been that great. The idea is not to repeat that. I feel I have a contribution to make and given the chance I can do much more than what I've been doing.

What is your criteria for signing a film?

I operate on instinct. I need to be excited about a project. One can't predict what will run and what won't, so the best way to go about it is to do films that you yourself would enjoy watching.

If you're getting off on it, giving it your all, then people will enjoy watching it. You should work in films you want to. I look at it this way. If I was a member of the audience and if I liked Saif, I would be, like, okay, I want to go and see his film because I think he's going to do something different. So it's my responsibility to live up to that expectation.

Do something different in each film. That's how you become a big star, don't you? One's trying. Yeah, there have been hiccups. There were times when I didn't know what was happening but yet I was hoping. That's wrong. I've promised myself that I'll never be on a set again where I'm feeling, "Shit, what am I doing here?"

An actor goes through a lot of ups and downs in his career. He learns to live with it. In what ways have you changed?

I think I've become slightly nicer. Before I used to dismiss people and their problems without a thought. Now I'm far more willing to accept that everyone is different and they have different ways of working things out.

Saif Ali Khan with his daughter Sara

When you're young you think you have all the answers. (Then) there's only black and white. As you grow older you realise that it's not that simple. So I guess one can say I've become less judgemental.

Since I've got married, I go straight home after work. I don't socialise with people I work with. Since I'm not looking to make friends I'm not making any enemies too.

Anyone who knows me knows I'm no saint but I'm not a rake either.