How to marry an NRI, safely

The ministry has sent a booklet -- Information Booklet on Marriages to Overseas Indians -- to state governments asking for feedback.

The booklet, which will soon be widely distributed, contains precautionary measures Indian families need to take when a marriage proposal arrives from an NRI.

The booklet says a high number of NRI marriages end up a disaster for the women.

Some typical instances, cited by the booklet:

• The woman marries an NRI who abandons her even before she is taken to the country where her husband lives. After a short honeymoon, he leaves India, promising to send a ticket soon. Most likely, the woman is pregnant when he leaves. So, both she and the child are abandoned. He never calls or writes and never returns.
• The woman arrives in the foreign country, only to realise her husband will not show up.
• The woman travels to the foreign country but returns within a year. Either she is sent back, or forced to flee. She is not allowed to take her child(ren) along. In many cases, the child(ren) is/are forcibly taken away from her.
• The woman travels to the foreign country, only to be assaulted and abused, mentally and physically, malnourished, confined and ill-treated.
• The woman learns later that the NRI had given false information -- on any or all of the following: His job, immigration status, earning, property, marital status and other material particulars -- to con her into marriage.
• The woman or her parents are held to ransom for payment of huge sums of money as dowry, both before and after the marriage.
• The woman learns later that the man she had married was already married in the other country to another woman, whom he continues to live with.
• The woman's husband obtains a divorce from her in the foreign country, without her knowledge.
• The woman is abandoned in the foreign country with absolutely no support or means of sustenance or escape and without even a visa to stay on in that country.
• The woman goes to court for maintenance or divorce but repeatedly encounters legal obstacles related to jurisdiction of courts, service of notices or orders, or enforcement of orders.
• The woman is coaxed into travelling to the foreign country and gets married there. She later discovers that Indian courts have even more limited jurisdiction there.

What precautions can a girl or her parents take to avoid such trauma?

• Do not finalise marriages long distance -- on phone or through e-mail.
• Do not blindly trust any bureau, agent, tout or middleman.
• Do not ever agree to forge papers or enter into any fake transactions for any reason or on any pretext.
• Do not fall for any migration schemes, or promises for a green card, through marriage.
• Do not finalise matters in secrecy -- publicising the match among family and friends could help you get vital information which you may not be able to collect otherwise.
• Do not agree to have only a registered marriage or to getting the marriage solemnised at a far off place.
• Do not agree to the wedding being held in the foreign country.

Check the groom's following documents: Visa, passport, voter or alien registration card, social security number, tax returns for the last three years, bank account papers and property papers.

Contact:

• The Indian embassy in the foreign country (The booklet provides contact details).
• The groom-to-be's employer.
• Local Indian associations and networks of Indian citizens.
• Friends and relatives in that country.

Insist on the following:

• Registration of the marriage, along with a social ceremony.
• Doing all the paperwork for the issuance of the visa and other required formalities at your end and not at his. Keep all the original papers with yourself.
• An affidavit from the man stating his marital status.

Some other tips the booklet provides:

• Have regular and meaningful communication with the man and his family over a period of time.
• Make sure the bride and the groom meet personally and interact freely and frankly in a comfortable atmosphere -- as many times as they feel necessary -- so that they can make up their minds.
• Rely on your gut feel and communicate this if you sense anything is amiss or wrong.
• Publicise the marriage and have a social marriage ceremony.
• Arrange for a bank account for the woman in the foreign country so that she can withdraw money in an emergency.

There are a number of other dos and don'ts listed in the booklet, which the ministry wants every family that wants its daughter to marry an NRI to follow.